Remember how helpless I felt last week? How overwhelmed I was by my feelings? Well, racism didn’t stop since then and I am holding myself accountable.

This week’s social media motto was ‘I am muted’. Many people on social media decided to mute themselves from posting personal content to make room for all the educational content that is now flooding the web about racism. In light of my latest blog post, I would like to offer you some educational resources instead of posting personal content and share what I have been doing since last Sunday to educate myself.

I wanted to post something else today. I wanted to write you another short story.

But I can’t.

I can’t stop thinking about George Floyd. I can’t stop crying for everyone hurting right now. I can’t stop looking at my phone in disbelief about everything that is happening in the US and other places all over the world. I can’t stop my gut feeling like it has been punched every single day since it happened. I can’t stop hating a police officer for being a murderer. I can’t stop wondering how that man got there. I can’t stop thinking that I am in no position to speak up.

‚Communication is key!‘ is what you hear most when trying to solve problems within a relationship. For many years I didn’t know what exactly that means. It seemed like a piece of abstract advice without much actual help. However, the past three years have shown me what it CAN mean. It might mean to listen to your partner’s needs closely!

Because last week’s post was canceled, this is part two of today’s make-up! Find my first post of today here.

Let me share why last week’s post had to be canceled. On Tuesday I was admitted to the hospital and had to undergo unplanned surgery. It all started with some abdomen pain and a visit to the doctor. After he had examined me thoroughly he sent me to the emergency room. This whole experience made me realize why taking time for creativity is so important for me!

Honestly, I didn’t believe the doctor at that point and thought the hospital would just send me back home. But after an ultrasound and some blood work they were certain they would have to remove my appendix. Never in my life did I have to be admitted to the hospital on such short notice! It annoyed the hell out of me!

Today I want to get into the dark stuff. Experiences many of us had and got hurt by. I am talking about the confrontation with people who can’t handle your liberated lifestyle. Basically, dealing with people who can’t handle you.

I don’t hide my sexuality. If someone asks, they get an answer and it doesn’t matter to me who they are. Parading around and telling everyone without being asked is not my style, but I really don’t care if I might shock someone with the answer.

Once somebody said behind my back that me not only liking men is a disease, after realizing I date women outside my relationship.

I am a person who craves validation like anybody else. So, of course, Tinder has been part of my life. But man, dating apps suck! I will tell you why Tinder is bad, from my experience:

When I started to use the app in 2013, it was all fun and games. Back then, I only swiped for guys with the oblivious intent to maybe find someone who is relationship material. Guess how that turned out. The app was new, people were actually still talking when they matched and a loooooot of dates took place. One or two flings came from it too, but it was just a fun way to meet new people.

Since then the app has evolved into an annoying pastime which rarely brings any value to my life.