Choose Your People

How many conversations do you have throughout the week which leave you feeling empty? As we all go about our lives we forget to listen. It is important to choose your people consciously and to really listen to them.

With limited time we have learned to quickly get our word in, make sure the other person knows what we think. But meaningful conversation comes from the genuine interest in the experiences, feelings, and thoughts of the person across the table. Many days go by in which we talk but in which we don’t know more about one another after talking.

Who Do You Choose to Spend Your Time With?

My years at university were so busy that I barely had time for any social connections. Getting some shallow conversation in while on the way to the bathroom and back to the library was my daily life. Meeting up with friends only fits in every other week and only for a limited amount of time.

At the end of my studies, when suddenly some time freed up in my days, I was left wondering who I wanted to see. The people I usually talked to weren’t the ones I wanted to talk to now. I wanted to share with my friends from back home, feel connected to the people who know me well. But those people were now estranged

I had invested my limited time in friendships for four years which rarely meant anything to me. That only showed me that I don’t choose my relationships, but rather take anyone along for the ride who shows up. That is not how I want to establish relationships. I should actually be choosing who I want to invest my time, attention, and energy in. Who I want to share every detail of my life with. Because holding back certain aspects of my character or life for the comfort of someone else should not be part of any healthy relationship.

We All Need Deep Connections

I believe that anyone craves deep connections. It gives you the feeling of purpose and belonging, which you need to not feel lonely. But how can we achieve deeper relationships if we divide our limited time among too many people? How deep can a connection actually get if we fit four meetups into one day?

Understanding that time is the main ingredient in any relationship I bought a notebook. Every person in my life, that I consciously choose to spend time with has their own page. Once in a while I sit down and take time to think about what connects me with each person in my life. Based on the type and reason for our connection I decide if I still want to invest as much time into the relationship or if I need to alter how much time we spend (in either direction).

Don’t Just Run Along With Anyone

At first glance, this might seem mean, since we are taught not to judge people. And I do agree. By evaluating relationships you don’t judge that person. You look at what you and that person created together and if that is meaningful enough to you to hold on to it. Remember, not every person you meet in life will be able to enrich it. Some might drain or use you and do they really deserve your time?

Go and evaluate your relationships! I am sure you will choose your people more consciously afterward!

I tapped into a similar topic regarding romantic relationships in another article, go check it out!

Photo provided by Mark Adriane on Unsplash