Let me share why last week’s post had to be canceled. On Tuesday I was admitted to the hospital and had to undergo unplanned surgery. It all started with some abdomen pain and a visit to the doctor. After he had examined me thoroughly he sent me to the emergency room. This whole experience made me realize why taking time for creativity is so important for me!
Honestly, I didn’t believe the doctor at that point and thought the hospital would just send me back home. But after an ultrasound and some blood work they were certain they would have to remove my appendix. Never in my life did I have to be admitted to the hospital on such short notice! It annoyed the hell out of me!
While getting all the paperwork ready and multitasking to call who needed to be called, I was primarily frustrated with the fact that I won’t be able to work as planned! But I think that frustration and thought of ‘I don’t have time for this!’ were only masking fear. I was alone, my loved ones hundreds of kilometers away and being put under anesthesia frightened me. Of course this was a common procedure and realistically nothing could go wrong. But the thought of not seeing my boyfriend, family, or friends on that day before the surgery was unbearable.
Unplanned Surgery is Scary!
What if something went wrong? That fear was further enabled when the nurse asked me who she should put down as my emergency contact. Rationally I knew they were obligated to note a contact, but this made it even more real! Obviously, nothing bad happened, the surgery went as planned, and I recovered as expected. But man, what a week!
While fearing I won’t be able to create a post for last Sunday (and maybe even more Sundays) I realized that I want more time to really get into everything I want to communicate with you!
Slowing Down Pushes Creativity
Work and life can get so overwhelming and writing sometimes only adds to the to-do-list. Starting this blog is my way to get back into writing after a break of 8 years, and the last thing I want it to be is something I have to do! I don’t want to feel as if I need to create, I don’t want to get anxious on Wednesday evening when I don’t have an idea yet what I want to publish on Sunday. Therefore, I need to find a way to make my writing time sacred. And also, create some backups in advance for weeks like the last one!
Slowing down and taking time is something I am not good at. I work fast and efficiently. I hate being delayed for any reason and if something takes too long my impatience kicks in. Four years ago when I was studying at university I would be running around all day checking ten things off my to-do list each day. Barely having time to cook or even talk to friends. When I got home and took a shower my brain was racing. I would feel dizzy and agitated, nothing was helping. Lying in bed at night I felt as if I still need to get things done. I stopped racing against my own efficiency when I found mindfulness through yoga. No, I am not going to share another awakening yoga journey (but it wouldn’t hurt you to check out ‘Yoga with Adriene’ on Youtube).
Find Your Own Feel-Good Sources
The more important point to me is learning to make time for myself, appreciating deceleration in my day. I have learned that you can only be productive if you actively take time each day to slow down and just be.
The longest time I have only written pen to paper. The blog made me start typing my texts. This is taking away the creative process of sitting down, smelling paper, choosing a good spot to sit. My laptop is available anywhere. I can delete anything and start over. I don’t even need a flat surface, my lap is enough. So, I need to return to where I started. My creativity lives from comforting surroundings. I need a table, a comfortable seat, an aromatic tea, sunshine, plants around me, and time to breathe. I need to choose to sit and think. Then the creativeness comes naturally.
Getting to terms with what I need has led me to not only share with you this post but also create a second one for today. As I am writing this on my laptop I have already sketched out another post while looking at the trees outside. You will find what has poured out of my pen into my physical notebook while sitting on the balcony with my cup of white tea over here. Onto taking time for creativity in the future!